Daniela Maierlives in Bochum, is a psychologist with her own practice and a lecturer. As a sailor, she knows about happiness, but also the stress on board and that mooring manoeuvres in front of a full harbour backdrop can feel like running the gauntlet. Together with Dr Thomas Göke, she offers coaching at sea on all life issues.
Mrs Maier, why do some sailors react so badly when others make mistakes in the harbour?
A gloating person is on a self-awareness trip, so to speak. They unconsciously compare themselves with others when they gape and see it as a gain if they don't manage their manoeuvre well. This creates a feeling of superiority. People "grow", so to speak, from the suffering of others.
Pretty sad, isn't it?
Yes, I think so too. The interesting thing is that someone else suffers damage without the viewer himself gaining any tangible benefits. Instead, they experience an exclusively mental gain. This can become all the greater if envy is added. If the owner of the most expensive boat in the harbour suffers a mishap, the envy can literally turn into schadenfreude. The same applies when an unsympathetic person gets into trouble. However, this doesn't have to be the case for every spectator. Different personality traits can play a role. Narcissists and passive-aggressive personalities, for example, are very often characterised by envy and schadenfreude.
Is there a difference between men and women?
Both men and women can feel schadenfreude. According to studies, statistically more men are said to take pleasure in the suffering of others. It is generally assumed that schadenfreude is subject to greater cultural differences. According to scientific studies, it is particularly widespread in societies that are strongly characterised by competition, performance and material values, such as ours.
Would mooring and unmooring be easier without spectators?
Yes and no. Yes, if the manoeuvring crew has to assume that the onlookers only want to gloat and are literally waiting to be offered a cinematic action. And no, if the crew's need for help prevails and the viewers signal their willingness to help regardless of their sensationalism. That's the way it should be. The nautical breakdown service Sea-Help's "Rule of Behaviour No. 9" is very apt: "Help instead of blasphemy". It goes on to say: "Watching the finest harbour cinema from the cockpit with a drink in your hand and commenting accordingly? You can do that, but it's neither friendly nor helpful. Accepting and taking a line is good manners."
How should you offer your help without sounding like a know-it-all?
It helps a lot to hold back with comments. The statement "That was nothing" is not well received if someone is already struggling. In general, a simple "Can I help?" would be an advantage here. Or you can meet the other person with understanding by saying: "Gosh, we had the same problem the other day. Come on, I'll help you quickly." The tone of voice and the gestures, facial expressions and posture with which we offer help are also important so that it doesn't come across as arrogant and schoolmasterly.
When should you not offer your help?
Before I think too long and ponder who I should or shouldn't offer help to and why, events may have already come thick and fast when the wind is blowing from the side. Personally, I think offering help simply can't hurt. What could possibly happen except that it's not needed? Of course, some people will say that my offer of help might make them feel put upon and undermined in their competence. However, the probability is lower than we assume. Helping is much more likely to bring sailors together.
Are you happier when you see mistakes in others that you have already made yourself?
It's a question of character and emotional intelligence. If I remember my own mistakes, I have that sometimes unpleasant feeling inside me. Someone with empathy and self-awareness will hardly feel any schadenfreude. It may create a feeling of relief that I wasn't the only one to make this mistake. And the experience certainly triggers my willingness to help. If I lack these positive qualities, there is a very high probability that I will unfortunately feel thieving joy.
Interview: Steffi von Wolff
