What's everyone doing with this AI?" asks Hanno as we sit on our "old lady" one weekend. "What's the point?" his wife Birte asks back. "Just new-fangled stuff that nobody really needs. I don't need artificial intelligence." But Hanno doesn't let up: "Have any of you ever used this AI?" He asks this inquisitorially, as if the use of new media is a criminal offence. "Why?" asks Erich, the oldest person on the jetty at almost 80. "You can search for anything with this ball." He means Google. "That's something completely different." My husband gets his mobile phone. "I downloaded this app once. It seems to be a simple system. You can't really search for anything with it. It just gives you information."
First realisation: Artificial intelligence doesn't know everything either
"How?" asks Erich. "If you enter the name of a friend of mine, what comes up? For example, if you enter 'search for Hans Sack'?" My husband is reluctant. "That's silly." But then he types in the name anyway and reads out: "Hans Sack is a German name, there are several well-known people who could bear this name. You may be referring to a historical figure or Hans Sack may be a well-known personality from a certain field. If you are referring to a specific Hans Sack, could you be more specific? That would help me to give you a more precise answer about Hans Sack!" - "They're friendly people," says Erich. My husband interjects that although that's true, it doesn't help much. "We still don't know anything about your Hans Sack," he says.
It's just a sophisticated system. It doesn't lie."
Erich's objection that there isn't much to know about his Hans Sack doesn't help much. "He became a vegan in his old age. I don't even know if he's still alive."
"Can this AI also be used for sailing?" Hanno now steers the conversation in a more sensible direction. "For example, how do you avoid constantly arguing with your wife when mooring and unmooring?" My husband thinks for a moment, then asks the AI app: "What should I do to avoid arguing with my wife while sailing?" The answer takes a few seconds. Apparently the topic is new to an AI. But then the answer comes: "A frequent point of contention when sailing is communication - especially in stressful situations. A good trick is to have a clear division of roles and to discuss who does what beforehand. For example: one person gives clear, calm instructions, the other carries them out - without discussion at that moment. Afterwards, you can calmly discuss what could go well or better. And if things do get heated, code words can help. A neutral word like 'pause' can signal that you need to take a breath before things escalate."
Communication advice from your computer colleague
A code word!" Hanno is visibly impressed by the advice. "That's great! Birte, if it gets too much for you with me, just shout 'Flitzekacke'. I promise you that I'll be very considerate straight away." He and my husband laugh infantile. Birte looks at me and we smile mildly. Like children, our men!
"And if it gets too much for you with us, then shout 'Captain next god'," I suggest. "Or: 'Aye, aye, my captain's eye!" My husband shudders: "I'd rather sacrifice a toe," he says. "Or I'll disrobe. Don't you dare say something like that." I, on the other hand, like the idea. "You don't need all those bells and whistles," Erich takes my husband's side. "In the old days, you had to rely on yourself, not on all that rubbish. Mobile phones, radios, GPS - my goodness!
If something happens, it happens!"
Later, I'm sitting alone in the cockpit with my husband. "Maybe we can use this AI to plan our cruise, I'll have a look in this system." He is delighted with his new hobby, picks up his mobile phone again and types in: "Create a cruise plan for me in the Danish South Sea!" Shortly afterwards, the answer arrives: "Day 1: Svendborg - Lyø, about 15 miles. Relaxed sailing in to Lyø. Beautiful anchorage in the south of the island. Anchor and then take a walk through the small village." My husband is taken aback. "Huh? Of course, if you anchor, you can also go into the village. What a load of rubbish. We're not traipsing across the water like Jesus. The AI is no good!"
What does the AI know about you?
"Or she thinks we have a dinghy," I object. "Yes, but why? What would she want to know about us?" my husband ponders. Then he says: "I have another idea. You know that I like to have some peace and quiet at my berth in the evening. I'll tell the system that now." He types in where there are places where you're guaranteed not to meet anyone. "I really don't fancy going on another flotilla trip with Hanno and Birte, and Erich is getting on my nerves too. Here, the AI suggests Birkholm. Lindelse Nor. Helnæs Bugt."
When sailing, you should always be considerate of your wife. Your sensitivity is required. Remain polite and patient!
"These are just examples. This isn't Big Brother. The AI can't look inside us," I object. But: "Oh, you never know. I once googled what belongs in an on-board pharmacy and I got adverts for headache tablets and adhesive cream for third parties. Who knows, maybe this AI has been watching us the whole time." He looks thoughtfully at the sky. I'm glad there's no drone circling overhead at the moment, otherwise he'd think something.
"I also like the idea of the code word," he says after a while. I think for a moment and then reply that I think it would be much nicer if we didn't get into situations where he starts shouting. "With a woman like you, that's unrealistic wishful thinking," I'm told matter-of-factly. "You wet your jacket at the slightest gust and think we're going to capsize."
"I see," I say dryly. "Then why don't you enter: be nice to your wife while sailing." I'm already looking forward to it. "Nonsense," says my husband and refuses.
The wind is picking up and I'm having a crisis
The next morning he really wants to go to Birkholm because there's nobody there. I don't say anything, we set off and are in good spirits. Then the wind picks up and, as so often, I almost have a crisis. "You're looking like that again," I hear him say in an annoyed undertone. "Don't give me that look, it's killing me again!" But I can't help myself. "But if it's crooked," I defend myself.
Then it's just crooked. Jesus!"
I don't like his tone of voice. I take his mobile phone and type in: "How should you behave towards your anxious wife when sailing?" Then I read out: "When sailing, you should always be considerate to your wife. In critical manoeuvres, it's important not to tackle her and criticise her loudly. A sure instinct is required here. You will see that your wife will become much calmer if you explain the situation to her politely and patiently. She'll thank you for it and think you're a real man."
"That's what the system says?" He looks at me in disbelief. I nod. "That's what it says!" He thinks for a while. Then: "Oh, would you steer for a moment, I'd like to tie in a reef. Thank you so much, that's incredibly kind of you!" I stifle a grin. You can do it! He doesn't need to know that I stepped in for the AI for a moment.
The AI learns surprisingly quickly
In Birkholm, we meet Hanno and Birte and Erich, who have also checked where "guaranteed" nobody is. Hanno and my husband decide to complain to the makers of the AI app. A few days later, he enters the search for quiet spots again. There is now an explicit warning about Birkholm. A crowded harbour with loud music, all the moorings occupied, the place almost sinking into the sea because of all the visitors. Who can believe it ...
Have a nice weekend!
The sailing book by Steffi von Wolff:
